Not gonna lie; I spent at least 15 minutes at work today painting this picture over text message:
A.N.: Work any less hectic today?
Me: I might describe the past week or 2 as "nightmarish" actually. It's all good though; whatevs. They don't pay me to sit around and look cute. Well, they do. But they also expect some work product as well.
A.N.: Can they pay you for something you do naturally?
Me: I've apparently finagled them into doing it.
A.N.: I imagine you don't have a desk; you just spend all day lounging on a fainting couch. You're wearing a dress and looking coy.
A.N.: ...Do I get too specific sometimes?
Me: The reference to a fainting couch just blew my mind.
A.N.: Ya, I do that to people sometimes.
Me: Yes, well. I've also been known to wear a strand of pearls and smoke cigarettes through a quellazaire.
A.N.: I feel like this scene needs to be painted.
Me: I would really love to have like a 16x20 oil painting of this scene, with the setting actually in my cubicle. My co-workers would die. What a ridiculous juxtaposition.
A.N.: Every time you say you're at work, I'm going to think of our imaginary portrait of you. Even if you drastically change jobs.
Me: I'm considering lumberjacking in Canada.
A.N.: ...And now the fainting couch is in the woods. You look the exact same, pearls and all, but you are also holding an axe.
A.N.: Oh, and could you also have a pet moose?
Me: I've already commissioned someone to do the painting and specifically asked for a moose. And my fringed swinger dress will be red plaid.
A.N.: Can the pearls be emeralds? And can you be wearing either boots or red heels?
Me: I don't like the idea of a strand of emeralds, but i could go with like a huge flashy emerald pendant, And stylized leather boots.
A.N.: Well. I just thought the emerald would fit nicely with the forest
Aaaaand an update to this text conversation, which carried over into the next day:
Me: I just had my annual performance review at work. They asked me to add a strand of pearls and lounge a little more dramatically on the fainting couch.
A.N.: Another strand? Things are coming up, Mary!
Me: I was pleased with my directives for 2011. *sigh* Wouldn't that be the perfect job, though? "Mary, you didn't lounge enough last year. Please make more effort to make less effort in the upcoming year."
A.N.: That's where you demand in your contract to be fed grapes.
Me: hahaa "I'd be happy to oblige to your request Tom, but I've simply not been given the proper tools. I'll need daily facials and personal grape-feeder."
A.N.: You may as well throw premium parking in there, too.
Me: They've provided me a personal chariot, actually.
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