The next step

some days, the amount of guilt i have about my life sets in like the heaviest stone.

i'm not rolling in dough, but i do make more money now than i ever have before. yet somehow i rarely end up with extra money in savings. the problem is that i am constantly being bitten by the travel bug, so any extra savings end up going to planning some wild (and totally unecessary) trip.

and then someone's dad dies and they are faced with funeral expenses that they aren't sure they can pay. i really can't imagine going through that at 27 years old, and i particularly can't imagine going through it with the knowledge that the finances to pay for a funeral service are non-existent in my life.

so really, what i'm getting at is simply this: it is not moral of me to spend money on frivolous things. a better use of my resources is to save carefully, spend thoughtfully, and give generously to friends who are in need. it is embarassing to me that i spent so much time and money recently to travel to california, and now i don't have extra money to provide to my friend's family during their time of grief and financial strain.

i have wildly determined that i touch god most deeply and most real-ly when i am in a mountain in wyoming, in a desert in california, in a rainforest in australia... and so i simply *need* to go to these places. while that is not entirely untrue, there are other ways for me to experience and to channel god. one would be generously and compassionately giving of my means to others who could more meaningfully use them.

it is time. time for me to step from my Type Seven foibles and re-think, re-approach my life. a deep breathe, a look around, and a step forward in a new, less manic, direction is in order. a satisfaction with the present, and an effort to build on where i am and what i have. community first, self second.