BABY!

I GIVE THIS BABY ONE MILLION KISSES!!!  om nom nom delicious baby

Wants all the options, all the time.

I've become that girl.

That girl who really wants a solid relationship with someone but who is totally unwilling to put a significant amount of time or effort into making it happen.

I'm the girl who goes on like one date with someone and then doesn't return phone calls afterwards.  *cringe*  I hate those girls!

It's just that I'm so busy!  I have so much to do.  And see.  And experience.  I feel like I don't have time to catch someone up to speed on who I am or why I function the way I function.  Get this:  I went on a date with this guy recently and had a fairly nice time.  But when it came time to plan for a second date, I simply kept not finding the time to fit it into my schedule.  Which of course begat questions from him.  But because I was so uninterested in trying to explain all the weird details about my life, I just told him to google "enneagram type 7" and read the personality profile that came up.  Then I told him that I was scattered, undisciplined, and over-extended.  And believe it or not, he still asked if he could go on another date with me. What!

Here are the things I like: options, newness, and constant stimulation.  Which is why I love first dates!!  No one else like first dates, but I love them.  ...I just don't like second dates, because they aren't as new as first ones. "I've already met you and know your dog's name.  Time for a new stranger!!"

I know it makes no sense.  It makes absolutely no sense that my favorite dates are first dates, but that I also really want a long-term, stable relationship.  But I guess that just fits into my "I like options" statement from above.

These are a few of my favorite things

1. Clementine oranges. Because you can peel them easily with your hands, and they don't have seeds, and they are the perfect level of citrusy sweetness.

2. Tanqueray-and-tonics. Because they have the most supreme balance of astringent juniper flavor and mildly sweet tonic water flavors. And also because they induce a different feeling in me than other liquor drinks do... I get the most lovely feeling of relaxation and acceptance. Not a wild disregard of my natural inhibitions, mind you... just a welcome relaxation, acceptance of life, and an enhancement of my emotions.

3. Witbier. Because it is an aesthetically pleasing beer; a light, cloudy gold, with beautiful sediments floating around. And because it's made with coriander, which is delicious.

4. Pinewoods treefrogs (Hyla femoralis). Because they are tiny, brown treefrogs that initially seem very unassuming and plain. But then you can ask one if she'll allow you to pick her up and discover her treasure. And she might say no at first, but after a few moments of coaxing and a promise of a gentle touch, she will allow you to scoop her from her tree branch. And when you do, you can pull back one of her hind legs so that it's fully extended. And what a beautiful golden treasure they display! Superb flecks of what looks to be 24 carat gold line the inside of their femur! Absolutely stunning, and it leaves me a little breathless every time I see it.

5. Babies. Because they know nothing but love and because they smell nice. And because every part of them is soft, and when I touch them I remember a sweeter time of innocence. And because when I give a baby a bottle, he likes to hold his sweet little head right next to my breast because it feels more like real nursing. And then he starts getting really sleepy as he's sucking on the bottle, and his eyes get heavy, and he starts to nod off, and the milk dribbles out of the side of his mouth just a little, and onto my shirt, and before I know it, he's drifted off. And then I take the bottle out of his mouth, and I sit very, very still, and I let him sleep on my chest and tummy, and I listen to his little breathing and I think that maybe there is still hope for humanity.

6. Live Music. Because it is a time of raw vulnerability for the performers and the performees, and it instills a sense of community in me on the same level that many other people get by attending a religious service.

7. Bald Cypress Trees. Because they are relics of what used to be the majesty of the cypress swamps of Florida, before everything was cut down and sold for timber or mulch. And because their finely compounded leaves romantically rustle when a welcome breeze whispers through the wetland. And because they are bright green in the spring, dark green in the summer, copper in the autumn, and bare, abstract sculptures in the winter.

8. February in Florida. Because orange blossoms impart a heavenly fragrance along I-4, the azaleas are a riot of papery pink blooms, the jasmine sugars my nose with the most sensual flavor in the evenings, and the wild ginger sings to me with its faerie blossoms when I walk by it in the gardens.

9. Maps. Because they remind me how big the world is. And how small the world is. And that I am neighbors with you.

10. Reading Books. Because I have one continuous stream of thought when I read a book; such a welcome relief from juggling 5 open windows on the computer and an internet browser with no less than 8 tabs open.

11. Getting my eyebrows threaded. Because I look phenomenal afterwards, and because I like the women who thread them for me.

12. Getting a professional massage. Because it is absolutely trans.cen.dental.

13. Talking to someone who listens. Because I have something to say and I like when someone else recognizes that.

14. When I make a meal in which every dish complements the other ones, and all the dishes get done cooking at the same time. Because then I get to share that meal with people I love and we get to partake in one another's souls.

15. When my eyeshadow matches my outfit. Because... duh. Awesomez.

16. When someone pays me just the right amount of compliments; not so many that it's creepy, but not so few that I wonder if I'm doing something wrong. Because I like when there is an unspoken connection.

17. Walking into an ecosystem and being able to name almost every plant or tree in it, with both the scientific and common names. Because... again, duh. Awesomez.

18.  The Beach.  Specifically, Florida beaches.  Because they are sunny and hot and have the best sand.  And there are sea urchins.  And the water temperature is perfect.  And the waves are perfect.  And I get really wonderfully hot and sandy and sweaty, and my feet get exfoliated because of walking through the sand and the waves.  And my skin looks phenomenal afterwards because of the saltwater and the sun exposure.

19.  The Mountains.  Because of all the reasons opposite of the beach.  They are sunny like the beach, but they are chilly unlike the beach.  And they definitely have no sand -- they have entire majestic rocks that haven't been blasted to bits by constant water beatings. And I don't get hot at all; I have to wear long sleeves, but I like that.  And my feet don't get exfoliated by any stretch of the imagination; however, I get to wear hiking boots and I love those.  And most importantly, I totally touch God when I'm in the mountains.

20. Making lists.

That Southern Beauty

I walked into Skipper's once Nic Cowan and his band were already playing. He simply oozed sexiness in his cowboy boot-esque black shoes, dark wash boot cut jeans, and vaguely western collared black shirt. I'm from the wrong side of town, he said, but she keeps on coming around. And I believed it.

His singing voice sounded like dark chocolate and well-aged whisky, a rather sinful combination for me. But when I heard him talk, I really melted.

I always get nostalgic for the deep south whenever I visit my home town of Birmingham, and I was particularly romantic about it on my recent trip home to attend my grandmother's funeral. And tonight, when Cowan ended the first song, he gave an understated laugh that suggested an indulgence in the occasional cigarette, and then he made some gracious comment about how he appreciated the audience. And his Atlanta voice sounded like home to me, and my jaw dropped, and my heart skipped a beat, and I danced with his Georgia peach voice, and wished that I had never set foot outside of Birmingham.

Cowan stood on stage and owned every damn song he sang, and graciously gave well-deserved credit to the bassist, electric guitarist, and drummer at all the appropriate times. I wanted to rip his shirt off.

A Fairly Normal Text Message Exchange.

Me: Damn. I always think I know what I'm doing. That's when reality likes to give me a swift kick like "Take that, bitch."

A: You do know. But you're just not doing it.

Me: Haha. True. Man! Well, everyone always knows, I suppose. Fuck that tabula rasa idea.

A: I know. It's more like fabula falsa.

Me: ....

A: I'm being really witty in Romanian. Fabula is fable, and falsa is false.

Because I Don't Feel Ethical When I Do This, That's Why.

Inherently, the private industry, of which I am a working member, represents the just the opposite of what I believe in so passionately: Co-operation, not competition, in work, communications, and economics; the sharing of information and ideas so that all people can learn and live sustainably.*

Listen: I don't expect our country to become totally communal; that's not what I'm fighting for. Just as I don't expect our country to become totally capitalistic, either. Both of these things, because they are extremes, are senseless goals to have, accomplishing less than they would were they to be combined. (Come on now, I've already gone through my years as young, ardent idealist).

The ultimate goal, then, is balance -- a middle path. And now the questions become as follows: Which side of this path needs more attention, more work, more passion? Are you more in love -- truly in love -- with selling a brand name and pleasing a client, or are you more in love with openly sharing the information that is so vital to the ultimate betterment and sustainably of our people and our home, the earth?? Which of these do you choose? Which of these sides is most beneficial to your grandchildren, to your favorite animal, to your favorite strip of coastline or most treasured forest tree? Which of these sides do you consider ethical to work toward and to earn a paycheck while doing so? What is it that you will do with your time, the only thing that you really have any sort of control over?

What will you do in your life in order to manifest the most balanced, fair, and open middle path?

There will always be those willing to sell their souls for just one more vacation day, for one more buck an hour, for one more promotion, for one more client. And those people populate a very large side of the middle path. Where are those of us on the other side of the middle path? Those of us who will take a lower paycheck and fewer vacation days in order to fight for a more sustainable future and a happier exchange of information on this journey to our essential middle path?

*Sentiments on co-operation taken from The Earth User's Guide to Permaculture, by Rosemary Morrow