Those Days.

I haven't had one of those days in a long time.  You know.  Those days when you remember something that you used to be.  And that something used to be really valuable.  And you miss it.

I used to love the fight.  Yeah, I mean I was miserable and depressed when I loved the fight, so that part sucked.  But now I'm in this stupid state of total happiness all the time where I forget what's actually real and true and good.  I just focus on the "happiness" -- but not even on the real happiness, the Aristotelian happiness -- I focus on the fake happiness.  The facade happiness.  Blaaaah.

So that just means that I need another dose of reality.  Maybe I'm ready for it.  Maybe I'm not.  But god dammit.  It feels good to get fucking mad about something.  To loudly fight for it.  To put aside your notions of everyone being friends and to actually stir some shit up and watch what unfolds.  To stand for something so fucking strongly that you just don't care what people say, what they argue. To know, so deeply, that what you believe is truth, that you are willing to yell, you're willing to lose friends, you're willing to sacrifice family relations. 

One day it will come,
M

So maybe I am ready to handle that part.  That part where I am juggling the fine line between depressed misery and truly fighting for something that is true.  I've been high and I've been low and now I'm at this really boring medium.  But I think that just means that I am prepared to use the medium for sanity during the fight.