eep

Dat's alotta beer bottles,
Mary

I wonder how people view me?  I don't think about it very often, you know.  I'm generally kind of unconcerned with what people think about me.  But sometimes I get in these weird spaces where I wonder what my actions look like to people on the outside.

I especially wonder about the thoughts that belong to the people I used to be religious with.  Like, I wonder if they think I do the things I do because I don't accept Christ. How odd I must look to them. I don't buy religion... I quit buying it around 20 years old.  I've had nine years to mull over it.  I spent a lot of time being angry at religion, then I spent a lot of time trying to rediscover religion.  I've swung to both extremes... the whole time keeping blogs or journals or video rants of my feelings and discoveries and emotions. Now I'm in a gray space (I always swing back to the middle gray). I've made peace with it all, and I recognize that I don't hate religion, but also that I don't need religion -- I've recognized that religion is simply a tool to develop my Self and my Spirit into what it should be (by the by, don't try and sell me that tabula rasa b.s.).

Anyway.  So I do stuff.  I get depressed, and I post a bunch of rant-y stuff on facebook, and I party, and I have a lot of sex, and I start a bunch of projects (some of which I finish and some of which I don't), and I say one thing and I then I say something completely contradictory a week later, and I get a bunch of ink all over myself.  And I wonder, sometimes, very occasionally, what people think about all of it.