I'm nesting.

I've spent the past 48 hours nesting.  I bought a new bedspread, two sets of 500 thread count sheets, a floor lamp, two pieces of original art, decorative mirrors, and probably some other things that I'm not thinking of right now.  A friend brought me fresh Calendula flowers from the farm she works on and they're bright and beautiful.  I've thrown away so much stuff that has been weighing me down and it feels free and light, and I love it.  And on top of all that, I've rearranged several pieces of furniture in my condo, and if I do say so myself, it looks awesome.  I apparently have a knack for Feng Shui.  ;-)

I'm really quite happy right now; I feel like I'm at a really great spot in my life.  As indicated in my previous entry, I feel quite like I'm at a normal place in terms of healing.  I am, for the first time since I've divorced, not only financially secure, but I have enough extra money to do recreational activities that I want to do without worrying about whether or not I can pay for it.  I'm cooking again.  I'm cleaning and organizing and calming down.  I know what I want in the future, in terms of graduate schools and my career.

And now, I want someone to share it with.  Bleh.  *rolls eyes*  Look, I know this is sappy.  I know it sounds like I'm a needy girl who's whining about finding someone and won't be happy til she does.  But that's not it, really.  It's just that I finally feel quite like I have something to offer, and I'd like to be able to share it with someone who can appreciate it and who can give me the same thing in return.

Look, I did the OkCupid thing for awhile, right?  And so you are supposed to answer all these questions about life, relationships, love, sex, blah blah.  Based on your answers, they "match" you to other users.  Anyway, there was this one question along the lines of:  Would you rather complete your partner, or would you rather they already be complete when you find them?  And a surprising amount of people answered "I want to complete my partner."  Okay, well not me.  If you can't function healthily on your own, then I have no desire to fix you.  Of course, inherently, I hold myself to the same standard, which is bound to be largely why I've not had a fully successful relationship in my life yet -- I've subconsciously known that I've not been "complete" and ready to present myself healthily.

But now I feel like I am.

I don't really go to a ton of family-oriented events or functions, but yesterday I found myself at Ikea.  The place was chock-full of families, purchasing things to build their nest with.  I admittedly got teary two or three times during my shopping trip there because I want that so badly -- to build my nest alongside a partner and children.  But I don't just want it with the next person who comes along -- I want it with someone that I am so passionately in love with that I can't stand it.  With someone who I can't imagine living without.  With someone who matches me on every level that I'm at, and maybe even exceeds me on some levels. 

I told AB and MM several months ago that I'm fully prepared to die alone, because I'm so not expecting to find anyone who fits the criteria above, and because I refuse to settle for anything less.  I am so incredibly underwhelmed with the vast majority of people I date, man.  So I kinda feel like I'm stuck in this haughty, over-privileged place of eye-rolling solitude.  It's lame on multiple levels.

...However, my condo looks ballin'.  And as such, I will be having a dinner party soon.

Turns out, my new shirt has 2 holes in it,
M